


Seeing Red

by PL600 (orphan_account)



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-10-19 11:40:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20656631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/PL600
Summary: Leo doesn't get enough screentime to completely show what his whole character is, so much of this is going to be speculation. This is in first person POV of his love interest, Juni. I'm sorry if you don't like that, but if you don't mind please enjoy. ***Mentions of drugs, death and assault.***





	1. Chapter 1

I kicked my apartment door open in a panic. It was the second time in three months that this was happening; I didn’t understand why he wouldn’t just go and get help. I struggled to pull him into the apartment; if I let him go without any warning he’d end up flopping onto the floor like a fish out of water. If I told him I had to let him go, he was capable of making it to the bathroom himself. He’d definitely stagger and bump into things on his way there, but he’d make it by himself. But I had promised him I’d help him there and I wasn’t about to let him develop bruises because I was out of breath.

The elevator for my apartment building had been broken for over a week, so I’d helped him up the three flights of stairs by myself. Ordinarily, those three flights were nothing difficult to get up; but when I was trying to support a boyfriend in a dazed withdrawal state, it was horrific and tiring. I’d done it multiple times before, but it never got any easier. This is what I got for living on my own and foolishly being attracted to someone like him.

We finally made it to the bathroom, where instead of vomiting like he usually would, he just laid down on the tile. I bit the inside of my cheek. He’d never done that before; what was I supposed to do? As I was about to help him back up, he got himself up and did what he usually did. I rummaged through my medicine cabinet for some headache medicine for whenever he finished. I never left him alone when he was like this; I was scared that if I did, I’d end up finding him unconscious in a pool of some type of bodily fluid. Each time this happened, I expected him to realize how bad it was and that he would go and get help. That was never the case, though.

His drug of choice was Red Ice; it was just like meth, but more powerful and it didn’t mess up your teeth. I could never understand how someone could get hooked on something like that, especially if they knew the dangers and health risks it could bring.

“Leo?” I mumbled when it was quiet.  
“Hm...?” he droned.  
“Are you feeling a bit better now?”  
“Nn...”

Apparently he’d been like this for a few days by the time I found him. He’d been hanging out with some of his friends and when they’d sobered up -- whatever that meant to them -- they noticed he was beginning to go through withdrawal. He’d gone with them for drinks and during the time he passed out from whatever he had to drink and the time he woke up, his friends had gone through their stash of whatever it was that they smoked or snorted or whatever it is they did to get their high. Leo hadn’t had any Red Ice in nearly a week. His friends, if that was what I could call them, had gone through his phone and called me. It took them a while to get ahold of me since I was working. I only knew someone was trying to call me because my manager yelled at me to turn my phone off in the back.

I’d left work early to get Leo home. That was something I couldn’t keep doing, but as upset as I was that I might have gotten fired there was no point in getting mad at him when he was like this. I’d have to wait for him to sober up before I could talk to him.

“Come on,” I said gently after I helped him get cleaned up. “Let’s get you to bed.”

I took him to the bedroom and let him go. He flopped right onto the bed with a heavy sigh. At least he had laying on his stomach going for him, otherwise I’d get concerned he would choke. I pulled his shoes and his hat off, and adjusted him so he was fully on the bed and not half hanging off of the edge. Since I had to go back out, I made sure he was going to be okay and I left a bucket for him in case he couldn’t make it to the bathroom in time. I was hoping to be back before he woke up.

I bounded down the stairs of the apartment building, letting out a heavy sigh. Time and time again I mentally scolded myself for putting up with Leo and the weird and bad stuff he did. My parents had met him once and he’d luckily been good enough to present himself as a “solid citizen”, as my father put it. I drove over to the cafe to meet with my friend.

“Sorry I’m late,” I huffed as I sat at the table she got for us.  
“What happened this time?”  
“Leo got sick...”  
“Mm-hm.”

As my best friend, she didn’t approve of Leo. She knew about his addiction, but she paid no mind to it until the first time I had to cancel on her because he was going through some serious withdrawal. Most of my cancellations were because I needed to care for Leo. Well, I didn’t need to care for him when he was ill; I just chose to because I didn’t want to be the reason he might not get better.

“The guy’s a total jerk, Juniper,” she told me, shaking her head.  
“Lissa...” I sighed.  
“No, seriously, he is. He goes out and parties or whatever the fuck he does, and he expects you to take care of him?”  
“He doesn’t expect me to really do anything.”  
“Why are you even with him?”

Of the people that knew who I was with Leo, and weren’t my parents, they all only saw him at face value: a drug addict with a rich father. I had talked about times that Leo had done things for me, but every time they heard about Leo causing issues they seemed to all forget that. He wasn’t a bad person; he just made bad choices. When he wasn’t high, he was kind. The only time we ever argued was when he was awake during a withdrawal or when he needed a fix. It wasn’t all the time. Leo was troubled and if anyone just realized that instead of judging him so harshly they would see that.

“He’s a good person, Lissa.” I stirred the straw of the iced tea she’d ordered for me.  
“Good people don’t drag others into drug problems,” she shot back.  
“He doesn’t drag; I jump.”  
“Like that’s any better. ‘He’s a good person, Lissa’.”  
“Hey...”  
“Is the sex good?”

I choked on the iced tea, almost keeling over from her question. Lissa really was out there, but I never got used to her asking questions like that out of nowhere. I’d known her for all of my life and it just never got any easier with her bluntness. I cleared my throat, my skin hot from embarrassment.

“Well, is it?” she asked, shrugging her shoulders. “You say he’s a good person, but that can’t be just the only reason you put up with him so the sex has to be top notch.”  
“I...” Moving a strand of blonde hair out of my face, I sighed with exasperation. “Lissa, that’s a horrible assumption...”:  
“So...what? He’s an addict _and_ bad in bed? Wow.”  
“Lissa!”  
“Well, is he or is he not?”  
“Yes, yes, he’s really good, but that’s a really bad assumption to make that I’m really only staying with him because he’s good in the bedroom.” I took a long sip of the iced tea. “Seriously, are you trying to give me a heart attack?”  
“So he apparently treats you really great, he’s good in bed, and... What else?”  
“He knows how to party normally when we’re together, Lissa.”

I frequented night clubs with no tolerances for drugs. The first time I took Leo to one of them, he wasn’t bummed out for that long. He knew how to control his alcohol intake and I was able to take his mind off Red Ice, at least just for the night. It was no lie that the sex was good, but my feelings for him weren’t skin deep. It hurt seeing him do such bad things to himself, knowing that he was such a good person when he wasn’t needing a high or going through his withdrawals. But of course, Lissa and my other friends couldn’t understand. Their boyfriends and girlfriends weren’t drug addicts.

The night Leo and I had met, I’d lost Lissa and my phone. We’d just graduated from university and just wanted to have some fun. It was a night club that wasn’t like the ones I frequented but we both figured some adventure wouldn’t harm us. By the time I bumped into Leo, I was panicked from being groped a bunch of times.

“Whoa, you alright?” he asked in a shout over the blasting music.  
“I can’t find my friend and I lost my cell!” I shouted as a reply.  
“What’s your number? I’ll call it!”

I gave him my cell phone number and when it began ringing, he grabbed my hand and pulled me into the crowd. We both looked at the ground for the screen; every time Leo got my voicemail, he would hang up and call again. It wasn’t the most efficient way to find something that was probably laying on the floor, being bumped around by people dancing, but it wasn’t like we could ask for the music to stop and for everyone to get off the dance floor. At one point, Leo took off, and for a good moment I thought he’d just been messing with me to find my phone. I saw him through the crowd, and he was kneeling down. He’d found my cell phone and quickly returned it to me.

“Thank you!” I shouted.  
“No problem!” he replied. “We’ve got each other’s numbers now; don’t you think we should put our names to them?”

It took me a moment to fully understand what he meant. But it dawned on me and I blushed.

“Y-Yeah!” I said. “I’m Juniper!”  
“Leo!” he told me while typing my name into his phone. “You wanna dance?”

I was brought back to reality by Lissa snapping her fingers in front of my face. I looked at her, blinking.

“Where did you go just now?” she asked. “You okay?”  
“I was just thinking about that night,” I mumbled.  
“You shouldn’t space out like that; you really had me worried for a hot second. Wait; what night?”  
“The night we got separated at the club.”  
“We usually get separated, babe.”  
“When we graduated, Lissa.”  
“That was the first time I lost you. God, I was so worried.”  
  
Lissa’s phone had died and by the time she realized I was no longer with her, I was back at Leo’s apartment making out with him. It was a few hours after meeting him and finding Lissa was the furthest thing from my mind. If it weren’t for the fact I was groped a bunch of more times on the dance floor, we would have stayed at the club, probably, and I would have returned to the apartment Lissa and I shared at the time rather than going with Leo. But he’d taken notice that I was uncomfortable and offered to get me out. I called Lissa’s phone, only to immediately receive her voicemail.

“Do you wanna go back to my apartment?” he asked slowly, almost like he was uncertain about what my answer would be.  
“Um...sure...okay...”  
“What, really?”  
“Yes, really.”  
“I could be a serial killer and you’d willingly come with me? I-I mean, I’m not a serial killer; I’m just saying. But like...I could be.”  
I looked at him and started laughing. “I’m-I’m so sorry; it’s just--” I continued to laugh so hard I had to grab onto him for support. “That was kind of adorable.”

It wasn’t until the next morning that Lissa and I discovered what happened with each other. I woke up in Leo’s bed to my phone vibrating loudly on the table next to it. Upon picking it up, she was screaming crying that she was sorry and she thought I’d been killed.

“Where are you?” she sniffled. “I’ll come pick you up.”  
“Um...I’m at Leo’s,” I replied groggily, forgetting that Lissa had no idea who Leo even was.  
“Leo’s? Who the hell is Leo?”

Before I could answer, Leo strolled into view from the bathroom, adjusting his beanie.

“You want eggs?” he asked.  
“Juniper, hey!” Lissa snapped.  
“Wait, no, where did you go last night? I tried calling you.”  
“My phone died and I went back to the club and couldn’t find you!”  
I sighed. “I’ll text you in a bit, okay?”  
“Hey! No! Don’t you ha--”

I hung up and stood from the bed. Leo had given me one of his sweaters to wear to bed; I was probably going to end up stealing it by accident. I wandered over to where he was; he’d already began cooking eggs on the stove.

“You sleep okay?” he asked.  
“I slept good,” I replied. “Thank you.”  
“So what’s--”

Out of nowhere, the eggs Leo were cooking burst into flame. We stared at it for a moment before he realized he needed to put the fire out. Luckily, it was the pan that was on fire and not the stove top. I turned the water in the sink on and he threw the pan into it. We looked at each other and then back at the sink.

“Um...would you like to go out for breakfast?” I asked. “My treat.”

We went out to the diner that was just down the street. That was where I found out what Leo’s last name was; Lissa and I had a painting that had been painted by his father hanging in our living room. It had been a house warming gift from my parents. I cared nothing for what his lineage was; I wasn’t even aware that Carl Manfred had a kid. He didn’t want to talk about his mother and I didn’t press the subject. I texted Lissa when we were finishing up and she was parked out front before the cheque even came.

“Lissa, this is Leo,” I mumbled, walking up to her. “Leo, this is my best friend Lissa.”  
“Oh.” She took a step back to look at him. “You’re Leo.”  
“Yeah,” Leo replied. “I’m him. Thanks for breakfast.”  
“Text me anytime,” I said when he squeezed my hand goodbye.  
“Wow, he’s cute,” Lissa murmured when he walked away.

Lissa was snapping her fingers in front of me to make me pay attention again.

“Stop spacing out on me,” she pleaded.  
“I’m sorry,” I replied. “It’s just that whenever Leo gets how he does sometimes...”  
“I know. Do you want to go shopping?”  
“Shopping makes you feel better when you’ve had an argument with your boyfriend.”  
“Okay, but Leo isn’t in any position for talking right now, is he?”

I stared at her.

“Sorry,” she muttered. “But you’re not helping his situation anymore than your own. How many times have you given him money and he’s bought Red Ice with it?”  
“That was one time, Lissa.”  
“All I’m saying is...what if your parents found out that Leo is--”  
“Leave them out of it. Yes, it’s Leo’s fault that he’s addicted to Red Ice, but he’s so troubled; I can’t blame him for wanting a way to escape.”  
“Whatever. But if he ever tries to get you to take it, I’m getting my boyfriend to sucker punch him in the throat.”  
***

When I got home, Leo was still passed out in the bedroom. I had to make sure that he was breathing and that he wasn’t dead. Lissa had gotten mad at me that I was just enabling him, but she didn’t know the arguments that Leo and I got into were harsh. They were only when he hadn’t had a fix in a while or he was just entering into withdrawal, but they were still bad. In the two years I had known him, he had tried getting clean three times. Each one lasted for a different amount of time; the third time didn’t even last a month.

The first time he relapsed was horrifying. He was missing for three days, but I couldn’t get the police involved because then that meant Leo would get sent to jail. I checked the clubs I knew he went to with his so called friends; I checked restaurants I knew he frequented; I even went to his apartment to see if he was there, but it was untouched. I found him passed out in mine and Lissa’s apartment hallway after work on the third day. Unfortunately, Lissa came home as I was helping him up off the floor. She volunteered at the free clinic down the street and recognized that Leo was high.

I didn’t argue with him the first time, but we did end up arguing the second and third time. By the time Leo came around to apologize, I already just wanted to forgive him. The talks we had were fine, but emotional. Lissa, understandably, didn’t want Leo in the apartment if he was going to show up and pass out wherever he felt like, and she didn’t want to listen to us shouting at each other. She kept the apartment and I moved in with Leo until I found a place of my own.

It was a few more hours until Leo staggered out of the bedroom. He was just tired and probably hungry and parched. I got up from the couch.

“Leo?” I folded my arms across my chest.  
“Hey, Juni...” he muttered. “When did I get here?”  
“What’s the last thing you remember?”  
“Waking up in a basement and being cold. Do you have any food?”  
“I don’t think there’s anything I have that’ll hit the spot after today. How ‘bout I order pizza?”  
“Yeah, sure, that’s good. TV, on.”

He walked over to the couch and slid over the back of it to sit. I watched him switch through the channels as I picked out the things I was ordering. It was like nothing even happened; it was always like that. Leo never wanted to address the elephant in the room because it would usually end with me crying and yelling at him to go back to his own apartment. He’d mentioned many of times that he hated upsetting me so much, but we both understood why it kept happening.

“Leo?” I sighed.  
He slowly and cautiously looked back at me. “What’s up?”

He didn’t want to look at me in fear I was just going to start on him. It wasn’t healthy for him to just pretend nothing was wrong; I had yelled that at him once. There was no explaining on his part as to why he just ignored the issues. I wanted him to address the problems we had rather than me having to ask and confront him about it. I walked over to the couch, leaned down, and kissed him.

“Nothing,” I murmured. “Just... I love you, okay?”  
He looked confused. “Love you, too. Come sit with me.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo doesn't get enough screentime to completely show what his whole character is, so much of this is going to be speculation. This is in first person POV of his love interest, Juni. I'm sorry if you don't like that, but if you don't mind please enjoy. ***Mentions of drugs, death and assault.***

“Juni? Juni, hey...”

I slowly opened my eyes with a sigh. Leo was kneeling on my side of the bed. In my half-asleep daze, I just turned over and tried going back to sleep.

“Juni.” Leo shook me slightly.  
I sat up, but kept my eyes closed. “What is it, Leo...? I worked the night shift last night...”  
“Can you lend me some cash?”  
“Nn... What’s it for...?”  
“I just need it. Please?”

Finally, I opened my eyes again and looked at him. He looked upset about something, but I was so tired I barely even noticed it. I told him to get me my purse. Leo brought it to me and sat with me as I looked through it for my wallet.

“How much do you need...?” I asked, stifling a yawn.  
“Uh, just fifty should be fine.”  
I pulled out sixty and handed it to him. “This okay...?”  
“That’s perfect.” He kissed me before standing up. “Thanks, babe.”  
“Mm-hm...”

I dropped my purse on the floor next to the bed, laid back down, and went back to sleep. The night shift totally wore me out, but it paid more. I would have taken more of them, but then I’d never get to spend time with Leo. Most of the time when I got home after the night shift, Leo would just be waking up and getting ready to leave for the day, and I wouldn’t see him until the next day when I had the day off. On this particular day, I had come home, gone to bed, and been woken by Leo not too long after. I completely forgot about the whole thing by the time I woke up. Normally Leo wasn’t around when I woke up from my night shift sleeps, but he was in the living room.

“What time is it?” I mumbled as I wandered out of the bedroom.  
“Two thirty, I think,” he replied. “Thanks again.”  
I was pouring myself some coffee. “For what?”  
“Lending me some money.”  
“When did I... Leo, did you wake me up?”  
He looked back at me. “Yeah.”  
“And you asked me for money?”  
Leo shifted his eyes for a few seconds. “Yeah...”  
“While I’m grateful that you didn’t just go into my purse without asking, you know you can’t talk to me when I’m half asleep. What did you buy?”  
“Nothing...”

I set my mug on the counter. He looked away nervously. I already knew the answer, but I needed to hear it come out of the horse’s mouth. I folded my arms across my chest, staring at him; hopefully he was going to feel my eyes boring into his back.

“I just bought some Red Ice...” he mumbled. “That’s it.”  
“Leo!” I snapped.  
“I’m sorry! I needed it!”

I stormed over to him and leaned over the couch; sure enough, his pipe was right out in the open on my coffee table. I could scold him and yell at him all I wanted, but what good was that going to do? It was the first time he had asked me for money in our two years of knowing each other.

“Never ask me for money for Red Ice again,” I told him, poking him on the side of the head.  
“Ow...” he muttered.  
“Just...flush whatever you haven’t smoked, okay?”

Leo looked up at me, a guilty expression on his face.

“Leo...” I sighed. “How much did you smoke?”  
“All sixty of it...”  
“I gave you sixty?!”  
“In my defence, I asked for fifty.”  
“Leo, that doesn’t help.” I exhaled sharply. “You need to go for a while.”  
“Why?”  
“_Because_, Leo, I need to bleach my coffee table and I don’t want you feeling the urge to sniff the bottle to get extra high!”  
“I’d never do that; do you know what bleach can do to your brain?”  
“Leo!”

He sighed and got up, collecting his pipe and the empty Red Ice packaging from the table. I made sure he put everything away before opening the door for him to exit. When he walked out, he turned back to look at me.

“I love you,” he said quietly.  
“Think of that next time you want my money for Red Ice,” I snapped, slamming the door shut.

After collecting myself and stopping myself from crying, I opened all the windows in my apartment and began cleaning. I was sure that the scent of Red Ice had seeped its way into everything; I was used to the smell and so I didn’t smell it. But if anyone else came over, they definitely would have smelled it. It wasn’t that Red Ice smelled bad; it smelled fine, but it didn’t smell _natural_. I lit some candles and made quick work of cleaning anything that could possibly hold a smell. It took me hours of cleaning until I had the peace of mind to relax about any lingering smell.

I realized I had kicked Leo out without knowing where he was going to go. Had he gone back to his apartment, gone to see his father, or gone to hang out with his “friends”? Leo knew I was upset with him when I didn’t say that I loved him back. I checked my phone over and over again for any messages or missed calls from him. Instead of waiting for him to call or message me, I picked my phone up. Before I could do anything to contact him, there was a knock on the door. Upon opening the door, I saw Leo there, holding a bouquet of orchids.

“I’m sorry,” he said, holding it out to me. “I’m sorry for...waking you up and using your money for drugs... I love you...”

I took the bouquet from him, biting my lip. Well, he was trying. Sort of. I didn’t know what made him think that flowers would help the situation -- I didn’t like flowers much. But orchids were meant to say sorry, so at least he cared enough to actually either inquire with the horticulturist or do the research. And they _did_ smell good. And he apologized _verbally_, too. So he also had that going for him.

“You know you could have just come in,” I told him.  
“I forgot my key,” he said sheepishly.

I walked away from the door to find something to put the flowers in. Most of his apologies had to do with food; chocolate, my favourite takeaway, and once he’d tried to cook for me. One time his apology was almost a kitten -- I was with him that time and if I hadn’t stopped him, there would be a kitten in my apartment. We both had different responsibilities -- I had a job, Leo didn’t; Carl paid for everything, including Leo’s apartment. I had to make sure I was healthy enough to be able to do my job and Leo just had to make sure he didn’t go and get himself killed. I couldn’t judge him for Carl paying everything for him; my parents did, too. The money I made from my job was meant to be saved for my future. Of course, I was allowed to keep some of my money for myself in case I needed or wanted anything that my parents weren’t willing to buy. Part of the reason why I hated his drug habit so much was because I didn’t want him to make the wrong person mad.

“I won’t ask you for money again, alright?” Leo said, closing the door behind him.  
“Good,” I replied, feeling him come up behind me and wrap his arms around me. I twisted myself around to look up at him. “Just...thank you for actually asking and not going into my purse.”  
***

It was two in the morning when I woke up to my cell phone vibrating. For a moment, I thought it was Leo and he had left and now needed me to pick him up. But he was still passed out next to me. I carefully slipped on my nightshirt and took my phone out to the living room. It was Lissa; when I answered, I couldn’t speak. She had began to immediately sob.

“Juniper, I need you to come get me!” she exclaimed.  
“Lissa, what happened?” I mumbled.  
“That jerk Tony left me in the middle of fucking nowhere!”  
“Excuse me, what?”  
“Yeah! We got into an argument and he kicked me out of his car! I had to walk around until I could find service so I could call you!”  
“Okay, okay, um...calm down... I’ll come get you... Where are you?”

Lissa’s boyfriend had abandoned her on the highway. I didn’t know where they were heading or why but I wasn’t going to ask. Asking might have made her more distraught. I got dressed to go get her and leaned over the bed to kiss Leo on the head. I headed out in the direction of the highway Lissa was stranded at. When I found her, she was almost sitting in the ditch. She was in absolute tears and her face was covered with smudged makeup. I’d never seen her so distraught.

“Did something else happen?” I asked, shocked, as I helped her to her feet.  
“Yeah, my fucking shoes broke,” she sobbed, showing me a high heel with the heel missing.  
“Those were such cute shoes, too.”  
“Yeah... Tony’s a dick!”

I got her into the car and hopped back in myself. At least she wasn’t drunk; she was inconsolable when she was drunk. When she was happy when she was drunk, she stayed that way, but if something bad happened no one wanted to deal with her.

“What did you fight about?” I asked as I drove back toward Detroit.  
“That son of a bitch wants to try Red Ice,” she choked out.  
I looked at her and then back at the road. “And?”  
“I called him what I said just now and he started yelling at me.” She looked at me, sniffling. “Has Leo ever done something like this?”  
“Has he ever left me stranded on the highway in the middle of the night? No. Has he ever left me in the street after we argued? Yes.”  
“My boyfriend is fucking sober and he thinks it’s okay to leave me out here.”  
“I say let him try it; let him learn for himself.”  
“Easy for you to say.”  
“Look, Leo has a good head on his shoulders; he’s just used it for the wrong reasons. He’d never put my life in danger.”  
“My life isn’t in danger, Juniper.”  
“Uh, leaving you on the side of the road in the middle of the night so close to downtown is dangerous, Lissa. And I found you _this_ _close_ to sliding into the ditch. I’ll take you home.”

We arrived at Lissa’s apartment, our old apartment we shared, and she sat on the couch in a daze. Seeing what she was wearing, it didn’t look like she and her boyfriend were on their way to a club. He must have been taking her with him to get Red Ice. There were people in the city who sold Red Ice; what would make him go out so far? I rolled my eyes and took my shoes off.

“I’m surprised Leo wasn’t with you,” Lissa sniffled.  
“We were sleeping, Lissa,” I told her. “Dragging myself out of bed for you is no big deal. I can’t wake Leo up; when he’s out, he is _out_.”  
“Will you stay till the morning? I don’t wanna be alone.”  
“Sure. I’ll take the couch.”

Lissa slunk into her room to go to bed and I made myself comfortable on the couch. We both lived in nice areas of Detroit, but she had never been alone in an apartment in her whole life. When I wasn’t around when we lived together, her boyfriend would be there. Her boyfriend basically lived with her when I moved out, but he still had an apartment he was paying for. What a waste of money on his part.

I woke up before Lissa did and left her a note. By the time she woke up, she would have to get ready to leave for work anyway and wouldn’t need me there. She’d be fine on her own and I wanted to get home before Leo woke up. Only, he was already up when I walked in the door.

“Where the hell have you been?” he snapped.  
“Lissa’s boyfriend left her in the middle of nowhere,” I told him. “So I picked her up and spent the night at her house.”  
“Sure.”  
“Leo, is something wrong?”  
“Yeah! Your friend just conveniently gets left on the same night of the day I asked for money. Just tell me you were out fucking somebody else!”

I stared at him and pulled out my phone without breaking eye contact. Opening my phone, I went to my call history and held it up to Leo’s face.

“Look at this, Leo!” I snapped. “Look!” I even went into mine and Lissa’s messages and showed him the map for her location she’d sent me. “Get mad at me for going out in the middle of the night, but don’t accuse me of cheating on you!”

I slapped his shoulder with a groan, put my phone away, and headed into the kitchen.

“I...I just thought--” he began.  
“Yeah, you _thought,_ Leo,” I snapped. “You know you can’t be woken up when you’re sleeping and I tried to be home before you woke up so we could avoid something like this happening.”  
“I-I’m sorry, Juni; I don’t know why I thought of something bad.”  
“I wasn’t mad last night; you know that.”  
“Sometimes when you say you aren’t, you are, though.”  
“If I was mad, I wouldn’t have let you even touch me.”

I looked back at him; he had his arms folded across his chest and he was looking at the floor. He’d made himself look like an idiot and a jerk and he knew it. I didn’t care what he did; I never would have gone and slept with someone else just because I was angry. He could come to my apartment high as a kite and pass out on my couch and I still wouldn’t want anyone else.

“Why would Lissa’s boyfriend do that?” he asked, hugging himself.  
“They were arguing,” I replied. “Tony wants to try Red Ice and she got mad at him.”  
“What’s she gonna do? She gonna leave him?”  
“I want her to leave him because he left her in the dark on the highway with no way to get home. Not because he wants to try Red Ice. I can’t tell her to leave him because of Red Ice.”  
“Why no-- Never mind...”  
“She’s told me to leave _you_ because of it, but here I am. I’m not about to be a hypocrite here, Leo.”  
“I love you, Juni.”  
“I know; I love you, too.”  
“It’s still early. We could go back to bed.”

I rolled my eyes at him and turned to the coffee maker. Red Ice made him paranoid sometimes; there was no helping it. Of course, when he was gone for days at a time and I didn’t hear from him, I was also paranoid. Was he dead or was he sleeping with someone else? People did some weird stuff when they were high. I once caught Leo trying to microwave a whole raw chicken.

“Hey, babe?” he asked.  
“Yes?” I mumbled.  
“Can you give me a ride tonight?”  
I looked at him, frowning. “You have a car.”  
“It...kind of got towed last night...”  
“I guess I can. Where am I taking you?”

Leo shrugged; he didn’t want to tell me. I walked over to him and cupped his chin with one of my hands. He wasn’t going to look me in the eyes, either. He wanted me to take him to see his dealer. I let him go, inhaling sharply.

“You had your hits yesterday,” I said quietly.  
“Please, Juni?” he begged, grabbing my hands. “I really need it.”  
“Leo--”  
“Just do this one thing for me! Please?”

I jumped.

He looked embarrassed that he’d yelled at me. “I’m...sorry, Juni; I need you to take me.”  
“Fine,” I replied, clearing my throat. “Could you at least make the coffee? I need to...go shower.”  
“Jun--”  
“_Now_.”  
***

I stopped my car at the curb. It was my first time driving Leo to ever meet his dealer, and so I was confused as to why Leo didn’t get out. Apparently he had to wait until he got a message from him and we were a few minutes early, anyway. The area we were in wasn’t... I didn’t want to say that it was bad, but it was quite bad. This was the area that people usually got mugged or shot or shivved. Sometimes all three. I slunk down into my seat and wrapped my arms around myself. It didn’t help that it was dark out. There were a few street lamps, but they were constantly going out every couple of seconds. It just made the area look more sketchy.

“Leo, is that a dead Android?” I snapped.  
“Uh, yeah,” he replied.  
“How long has it just been there?”  
“I dunno. A couple months, I think.”

I turned the car light on just so I could have some peace of mind, but Leo immediately switched it back off. He didn’t want his dealer knowing that I was with him.

“Where are you meeting him, anyway?” I wondered.  
“Over there.”  
“You’re meeting him in an _alleyway_?!”  
Leo shifted his eyes a few times, almost like he didn’t understand my question. “I...always meet him in an alleyway.”

Just then, his phone pinged with a message. He kissed my cheek before getting out of the car. I contemplated locking the doors, but I wanted them to be unlocked in case something happened and Leo needed to get away. His window was open slightly; I made sure of that. Lissa was trying to message me and tell me to spend the night, but if I told her where I was she’d end up blowing a gasket. I didn’t want to lie to her about where I was.

Weren’t these things supposed to be quick and discreet? They had the discreet part down, I guessed; but not the quick part. I just really wanted to leave. I honked the car horn and shouted for Leo to hurry up. He wandered back over to the car, but knocked on the window. I rolled it down more so he could say what he needed to say.

“I’ll be, like, two more minutes, okay?” he said. “These guys are jumpy.”  
“‘Guys’?” I gasped. “There’s more than one?”  
“Hey!” one of them shouted. “If you can’t pay for more, the lady can make it up on her back!”

I stared at Leo and he stared back. We were both trying to figure out what that guy had just shouted. Once I figured it out, I looked away and gripped the steering wheel.

“Just pay for what you can,” I sniffled.

Leo went back over to them and was back in the car in less than thirty seconds. I went over the speed limit in order to get out of that neighbourhood, and continued to do so until we reached Leo’s apartment building. He looked confused; he really must have thought I was going to take him back to my own apartment after that.

“Get out,” I demanded.  
“Juni--” he began.  
“Out! Your Red Ice can keep you warm, right? So get out!”  
“Babe--”  
“Leo! You never ask me to take you to meet with your dealer or your friends ever again! Do you hear me? Now please, just get out!” When he tried to lean over to kiss me goodbye, I added, “No! You don’t touch me! Just leave!”

Leo barely managed to shut the door when I sped off toward Lissa’s apartment. By the time I got up to her apartment, I was a sobbing mess. She answered the door, wine glass in hand, probably expecting me to be okay. The moment she saw me, her eyes widened and she set the glass down on the entryway table. Lissa pulled me into her apartment and sat me down on the couch while she went to grab a box of tissues. She listened to me sob for over an hour, not saying anything.

“You still love him, don’t you?” Lissa inquired.  
“Y-Yes,” I sniffled.  
“Why?”  
“Because when he’s not like..._that_...he’s a good person...”

Lissa rolled her eyes as there was a knock on the door. We both recognized it as Leo’s knock; just so he wouldn’t stand there like an idiot and continue knocking, Lissa went to go answer it.

“Leo, she doesn’t wanna see you...” she was saying. “No...”

I grabbed the blanket from the couch, wrapped it around myself and wandered into the front hall. Lissa sounded frustrated and Leo looked worried.

“Lissa, it’s fine,” I mumbled.

Once Lissa left, I slowly walked over to Leo.

“What do you want?” I asked.  
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t know they were gonna--”  
“You’re always sorry, Leo.”  
“Listen; I wanna get clean.”  
“You tried three times already and you failed. It doesn’t mean you should stop trying, but it’s just...”  
“I’m not gonna go into a program this time.”  
“You wanna do it cold turkey? Leo, that’s so dangerous; you could die.”  
“I know. But I wanna show you that I’m serious.”

I wrapped the blanket around myself even tighter. I didn’t know what to think. Leo looked and sounded serious about getting clean again. He was holding a brown paper bag, with the top folded over neatly. And it wasn’t like he had come banging on Lissa’s door, either.

“How’d you know I was here?” I sighed.  
“I spent half an hour in my apartment thinking about how scared you were, so you probably didn’t go home,” he replied. “So I kind of...walked over here...”  
“Leo...”

He handed me the bag. Exhaling sharply, I took it and looked in it. It held his pipe and the Red Ice he bought.

“I-I didn’t smoke any of it,” he stammered. “I promise.”

The way his eyes looked meant he was telling the truth. His pupils weren’t insanely dilated. If he had smoked any, there would be no Red Ice left at all, because once he started on a hit he didn’t stop until it was all gone. I set the bag on the entryway table and grabbed his jacket.

“I’m sorry,” he said again.  
“Stop.” I moved closer to him. “Just...stop talking.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo doesn't get enough screentime to completely show what his whole character is, so much of this is going to be speculation. This is in first person POV of his love interest, Juni. I'm sorry if you don't like that, but if you don't mind please enjoy. ***Mentions of drugs, death and assault.***

Leo was bent over in the bathroom for what felt like the millionth time. The withdrawal this time around wasn’t being kind to him. I sat next to him, patting his back. I’d called out from work so I could take care of him; I didn’t want him to be alone. I knew eventually I was either going to be told “no” and that I had to go to work or that I would just be straight up fired. I was going to deal with that path when it got to me. But for now, I was more worried about Leo losing his guts than work. He had barely slept in two days and when he did sleep, it wasn’t for long and he would get mad about it.

I woke up to him a few times during the night walking back and forth because he didn’t know what to do with himself. And when I’d get him back to bed, he would complain that the apartment was too hot or too cold, his head felt like it was going to explode, or he was going to go crazy. There were times when I would be sitting on the couch and he would come out, not say anything, and lay down next to me and rest his head in my lap and go to sleep.

Of course, there were times when he’d get mad at the littlest thing, like the upstairs neighbour moved a chair. He’d yell at them to shut up. Or he’d get mad that the TV was on an odd number channel. Or if the apartment was too quiet he’d be annoyed and I’d have to put music on but keep it low.

There was a long moment of silence now that Leo had thrown whatever guts he had left up. I felt his forehead; he was boiling but shivering at the same time. Just when I was about to help him up to his feet, he continued to vomit. There was a knock on the front door and Lissa made herself known when walking into the apartment.

“I’ll be right back, Leo,” I murmured.

I wandered out into the living room where Lissa was waiting.

“He’s still going through with it?” she asked.  
“Yes,” I replied. “Why wouldn’t he be?”

She shrugged.

“What do you need?” I cringed at hearing Leo still vomiting. “He needs me.”  
“I just wanted to see if you wanted or needed any help dealing with him,” Lissa replied. “You look exhausted.”  
“I’m fine. I just want Leo to get better.”  
“Are you fine?”  
“Yes, Lissa. Why would you want to help, anyway? You don’t like him.”  
“I’m not here for him, babe. I’m here for you.”  
“I don’t know how he’d react to you helping him in order to help me. The downstairs neighbour’s dog barked and he almost went down to tell them to get the dog to shut up.”  
“Juni!” Leo shouted.

I went back to the bathroom, where Leo asked me to help him to his feet. I helped him get cleaned up before helping him to the bedroom. The moment he hit the bed he passed out. I covered him in a blanket and headed back out to the living room.

“If you wanna help, could you run to the store and get some things for me?” I asked.  
“Sure.” Lissa took her phone out to write what I needed.  
“Toothpaste, headache medicine, orange juice -- no pulp -- and I guess something with electrolytes in it.”  
  
I sat on the couch with a sigh. I was glad that Lissa was around to help me, at least. Even if she wasn’t doing it to help Leo... She wasn’t gone for long until Leo woke up again. Rather than complaining about not being able to sleep, he trudged out into the living room and plopped onto the couch right next to me. This time, he leaned over and rested his head on my shoulder with a groan. He sounded like he had a cold -- an unfortunate side effect of withdrawal. Even with his long usage of Red Ice, he’d hopefully be past the symptoms in the next few days.

“Babe...” he said slowly.  
“Yes?”  
“Thanks.”

I wrapped an arm around his shoulders with a sigh. Well, at least he wasn’t getting mad over nothing.

“Did you want something to eat?” I asked.  
“No...” he muttered. “The apartment’s too hot again...”  
“I know I’ve asked you this a million times already, but--”  
“I’m not going to a clinic...”

I didn’t know if it was because he didn’t want to tell Carl he was back in rehab or if it was because he didn’t want me to waste my money on something he thought didn’t work. Either way, one of us was going to end up paying for it. I was completely willing to throw money at a good clinic in order to help Leo get clean. I’d only left the house for a few minutes to speak with my landlord about Leo’s screaming and I’d come back to find him passed out in the bathroom. At least in a clinic he’d be surrounded by people who would help him much better than I could. But Leo wanted to be comfortable and not be looked at like he was insane by a bunch of people who didn’t know him.

My cell phone began ringing on the coffee table. When I looked at the number, I realized it was work. I’d called in -- why were they calling me? I sighed, trying to ignore it. But the vibrating on the table appeared to be bothering Leo. I picked up before he could have a chance to get too irritated. Even though I told them it was important, that I had to miss work, they needed me to go in. The other shift manager had called out, too -- hers was more important, apparently, because she was actually in the hospital and the person I was caring for wasn’t.

“Leo, is it okay if I go to work?” I asked quietly. “They need me. And I know you need me, too, but Lissa will be right back.”  
“Fuck...” he muttered, rubbing his eyes. “Just make up another lie or something...”  
“Please.”

He pushed away from me and then paused. Leo got up and ran to the bathroom to be sick again. Lissa came in just as he started; she grimaced.

“They called me in,” I told her as I wandered into the bedroom.  
“What?” she snapped. “They can’t do that! Can they do that?”  
“If I’m not in the hospital or if Leo isn’t in the hospital, they can. Especially if the other shift is in the hospital herself.”  
“Aw, Jesus, please don’t make me babysit your boyfriend.”  
“Lissa, do it for me, please. I need to go before my boss blows a gasket.”  
***

I managed to get Lissa to come over when she wasn’t working to take care of Leo for me while I was working. Leo was too tired to complain or scream or get angry at things. The vomiting was mostly over; it at least was spread out more. He mostly slept when I wasn’t there. But by the time Leo was passed the withdrawal symptoms, Lissa was over helping. She no longer wanted to help because it felt like she was taking care of a baby -- a baby she didn’t even like, and she loved babies.

I was only so lucky that Leo was feeling better. Even though he said “thanks” to Lissa, she wasn’t having any of it. She was sure that he was going to relapse and get back onto Red Ice -- once an addict, always an addict, she thought. She loved me, but she didn’t love me enough to continue helping with Leo.

I went over to Leo’s apartment one day to find him at his computer; he was concentrating.

“What are you doing?” I wondered, wrapping my arms around him.  
“Commission,” he replied.  
“Putting that fancy art degree to good use.”

Carl gave Leo an allowance, but made him work for it when it was time to go to university. As long as he went to university, he would get money. Leo had gotten some of the painter’s blood, though he preferred digital art over painting. It had been a long time since I’d seen Leo do any commission work. Even if I adored Carl’s painting style, digital art was lovely, too, and I appreciated the art that Leo did, even if it wasn’t often.

“It’s easier than cooking,” Leo told me.  
“You always say that, but then I can’t even draw an eye,” I giggled.  
“Sucks you majored in hospitality. You really wanna own a line of hotels one day?”  
“Yeah; one day Junipero Hotels will be the best hotels in the world.” I looked at the computer screen as he continued drawing on the tablet. “Your art could be in the lobby, too.”  
“I’m telling you, Juni -- San Juniper would be better.”

Of course, he was teasing me. He knew how much I wanted to manage my own hotels. But Leo was also kind of upset that I only minored in cooking. He loved my cooking and I loved cooking, so he didn’t understand why I’d rather go the hotel route. At first, he didn’t even understand why I wanted to call the hotels “Junipero” when my name was Juniper. My hotels were going to be ones where someone could just get away from the stresses of life and not have to worry about anything.

“You wanna go out tonight?” I asked. “If you’re not too busy, that is.”  
Leo stopped drawing, swallowing hard. “Where?”  
“We can go to dinner, or one of the tolerant clubs. A movie, if you prefer?”

He sighed and dropped the tablet pen on the desk. I understood that he was worried for himself; I was worried for him, too. It had taken himself a couple of days to just trust himself to go spend the night in his apartment alone. He was doing so well, though.

“We don’t have to go out at all,” I told him.  
“No, we should,” he replied, picking the pen back up. “We haven’t been out in a while.”  
“Do you wanna pick what we do, then?”  
“I feel fine to go to one of your clubs, Juni.” He kissed my arm before continuing to draw. “Love you.”  
“Love you, too. Hey, are you hungry?”  
“If the bags you brought have chicken and the spicy stuff you use, then yes.”

His phone pinged as I walked over to his kitchen area. I heard him let out a “tsk”.

“You wanna go to my dad’s house for dinner?” he asked.  
“Erm... Yeah, sure. Are you okay with that, though?”

Leo looked at me; he was pouting.

“We don’t have to go if you don’t want to,” I assured him. “But we _should_ go. When’s the last time you saw him?”  
“I dunno. A couple months ago, I think. I talked to him a few days ago, though.”  
“Does he know?”  
“He knows. Okay; let’s go. He wants us there at seven.”

I turned toward the counter top to put the things away, only to have Leo run up behind me and hug me tightly. Seven wasn’t too far away; there was no need to cook.

“Leo, hands!” I giggled as he kissed my neck.  
“We can be quick,” Leo told me. “Or we could be slow. Doesn’t matter. It’ll feel good.”  
“It...always d-does...” I cleared my throat, grabbing his hands to stop him. “B-Besides if we’re gonna go see your father, I need to shower.”  
“Juni, I love you, but don’t mention him when--”  
“I’m sorry. Come shower with me, okay?”  
***

“Are you working on anything new, Carl?” I asked.  
“Not at the moment, no. Do you still plan to manage hotels? Or have you decided to open restaurants?”  
“I still wanna do Junipero Hotels.”  
“Leo keeps mentioning how good your cooking is.”  
“Markus’ cooking is better than mine.”

I was genuinely disappointed; I’d gone to school for four years to learn how to cook -- even though my cooking was already phenomenal before school -- and a robot who couldn’t even understand why people loved food cooked it better than I did. Sure, it was an Android’s job to be able to do things better than a human could, but it was why I decided to do hospitality as a major. I’d have a better chance of managing a hotel than becoming a cook in a really nice restaurant since Androids were basically _everywhere_.

“He is a good cook,” Carl agreed.  
“People are always gonna wanna eat your food, Juni,” Leo assured me, squeezing my hand.  
“Well...” I mumbled. “Good job, Markus.”  
“Thank you, Juniper,” Markus said from behind Carl.

Leo and I exchanged glances. Androids didn’t understand sarcasm, did they? I shrugged and took a sip of wine.

“Have you read the paper lately?” Carl wondered, sliding a digital magazine over to me.

There was the physical newspaper that a lot of older people preferred to read and then there were those weird tablets they called magazines. I grabbed the magazine and looked at it. It was an article on...

“Am I reading this right?” I asked, confused. “‘Android’s Rights’?”  
“What the...” Leo leaned over and looked at it as well.  
“Even if you don’t agree, it’s worth a read,” Carl told us. “She’s a student at the university of Detroit.”  
“Mercy Greene...” I muttered.  
“Art isn’t just limited to a brush and paint, or a pen and a computer; art is also words on paper. She shows great craftsmanship even if it’s written.”  
“I’ll be right back,” Leo announced.

He kissed the side of my head before heading toward the stairs. I looked after him before returning to the magazine. Carl was right; even if I didn’t agree with what this girl was saying, her writing was phenomenal. There was a small biography about her in the corner of the page. She wasn’t just a student; she was just a first year student studying journalism and history. If she managed to get through university, she was going to do some quite controversial things.

“Wow.” I slid the magazine back over to Carl. “Markus, what do you think? You’re an Android.”  
“I don’t have an opinion,” Markus replied.  
“Have you thought about getting an Android?” Carl inquired.  
“No.” I shook my head. “I’m not busy enough for an Android. Besides, I’m not really fond of the idea of taking someone out of work. If I need someone to clean my house and I can’t do it, I’ll hire someone to do it.”  
“Can we address the elephant in the room?”  
“Don’t you mean the giraffe?”

I gestured to the stuffed giraffe on the other side of the room by the winding staircase. Markus and Carl looked at it.

Carl chuckled. “Good joke.”  
“In seriousness, yes, we can address it,” I said.  
“Is Leo really doing better? The first three times...”  
“He’s already made it further than the last time.”  
“How do you think he’s doing, though?”  
“He’s doing great. I genuinely believe it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone reading this who doesn't know who Mercy Greene is, she's my character from my other DBH story, The Grass is Always Greene. You can find it on my profile.
> 
> Much love,  
Gwen


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo doesn't get enough screentime to completely show what his whole character is, so much of this is going to be speculation. This is in first person POV of his love interest, Juni. I'm sorry if you don't like that, but if you don't mind please enjoy. ***Mentions of drugs, death and assault.***

I’d gone to work and left Leo alone at my apartment. That was something I thought I should have been fine doing, but it turns out it wasn’t. After my shift, I ended up coming home to my apartment smelling sickingly like Red Ice. Sure enough, there was a new pipe on the coffee table, along with a couple empty packages that I assumed once held the Red Ice. I shut the door with a shaky sigh. Somehow, I wanted to hope that Leo had brought a friend over who did the Red Ice; I wanted to hope that Leo had the willpower to say “no”; I wanted to hope that Leo had gone to the bedroom or bathroom while his friend did what he thought he had to do. But no. Leo wandered out of the bedroom, clearly high.

“You okay?” I mumbled, pretending to not know what was wrong with him.  
“Uh... Juni...” he said slowly. “I fucked up...”

I quickly walked over to him and took his face in my hands. He could barely make eye contact with me and his pupils were so dilated I could barely see the colour in his eyes. He could barely even keep them open. I so badly wanted to force him into rehab, but he’d put up such a big fight I wouldn’t have even managed to get him out of the door.

“How much?” I asked.  
“Um...One hundred...”  
“You were doing so well, Leo. What happened?”  
“Was I, Juni?” He sounded sarcastic. “Was I _really_ doing well?”

I let him go and took a step back. I thought he had been doing well. It was the longest he lasted without relapsing, so what even happened? I even assured his father that he was doing well because I had really believed it.

“You _were_,” I told him. “I don’t understand why you--”  
“I’m a fuck-up!” he shouted. “That’s all I ever do -- I fuck up because I can’t do anything!”  
“Leo--”  
“You heard my dad! He was proud of someone he doesn’t even know! Christ, he’s even proud of a piece of plastic!”

That’s what had got him? Carl’s praise? That girl who had written that piece on Android’s had done it very well -- it most likely hadn’t helped at all since I agreed that her paper was phenomenal. It even appeared true that Carl preferred Markus over Leo. It wasn’t exactly like I could blame Carl, though -- no one wanted a drug addict for a son.

“No one fucking loves me, Juni; even Mom wanted drugs more than me!” Leo continued. “‘Just one more hit, Leo; then I’ll tuck you in.’ Like she ever fucking did...”  
I stared at him. “Leo, don’t say that no one loves you.”  
“Why?” He shrugged. “It’s not like you love me, either! Jesus, you probably love that plastic thing more than me! That thing is better than me, cooks better -- he probably could bang you better and he doesn’t even have a--”  
“Leo!” I grabbed his shoulders. “For God’s sake, please calm down.”  
“You don’t love me.”  
“I took care of you when you were in withdrawal, Leo; and I had to beg Lissa to help take care of you when I was working. Even after everything -- all the drama, the arguments, the crying -- I still love you.”  
“Well, you...almost left me.”  
“You asked me to drive you to see your _dealer_ and then they wanted me to pay off what you couldn’t pay _on my back_.” I teared up. “Tell me why I would want to be with someone who puts me in that kind of position?”  
  
Leo opened his mouth to say something, but he didn’t say anything. In fact, he looked confused. There was truth in my question. But even now when we were arguing, I still loved him. He messed up, badly, even after I tried to help him best I could, but I couldn’t help myself. He’d had his hits and he’d be back to normal in a few hours.

“I’m a fuck-up, remember?” Leo asked.  
“People do that sometimes,” I told him. “Some more often than others.”  
“I’m not gonna ask you to take me anymore.”  
“I know that, Leo.”  
“And I...found a new guy.”  
“That doesn’t help.”

I sighed and let him go. Carl’s praises had hit him hard. But I couldn’t tell if his thinking that I didn’t love him was paranoia or if he really thought I didn’t. It wasn’t his fault he was the way he was; he’d grown up around heavy drugs and got hooked at a young age. If a kid thought something bad was actually good because of the adults around them, then they’d think it was fine. He’d been on Red Ice long before I met him -- hooked by sixteen. The fact he had found his mother dead after an overdose probably hadn’t helped, either.

“I can’t do this anymore,” I mumbled.  
“What?” he snapped.  
“You need help -- more help than I can give you.”  
“The fu-- You just told me you loved me and now you’re--”  
“_Leo_. I’m so in love with you, but I can’t just let you keep doing this to yourself. It’s hurting you and it’s hurting me.”  
“Juni--”  
“Don’t. Just... Just go.”

Leo didn’t move; it was like he thought I was going to change my mind right at that moment. It was another few moments until he went and gathered his Red Ice supplies. I understood that he was angry at me, but seeing him high again after everything just made me sad and upset. I jumped when he slammed the door behind him; it was hard enough that one of the photos on the wall had fallen to the floor.

It took me a while to collect myself. I couldn’t move from where I was standing, but I was going to have to clean my house again. It luckily was the middle of the day and no one would be home to complain that Leo had been screaming again. I messaged Lissa to ask her to come over and then got to cleaning.

My phone continuously pinged as I bleached the walls and the coffee table; continuously pinged while I vacuumed the couch and the floor; continuously pinged while I washed the blankets and the sheets. I didn’t want to look at the messages that were being sent because I knew,_ just knew_, that they were from Leo. I knew that they were going to be slightly malicious -- he was high and paranoid. He didn’t actually mean the words he said when he was angry with me. It’s what made me cherish his sober state even more.

Lissa came into the apartment right as I finished making my bed.

“Babe, I don’t wanna say ‘I told you so’, but--” she began.  
“Then don’t,” I sniffled. “Please don’t. It won’t help.”  
“What do you wanna do? Stay in and watch movies? Go out for dinner?”  
“I’d like to stay here, but...”  
“What’s up?”  
“Can we go get some wine?”  
***

It was a few weeks later when Lissa and I had to go down by Leo’s apartment for some shopping. As we were walking by, I stopped and looked up. His window was wide open.

“Juniper, leave it alone,” Lissa said, grabbing my arm.  
“I just wanna see how he’s doing--” I began.  
“_Juniper._ _No._”

I reluctantly continued to follow her down the street. I didn’t have to be his girlfriend to make sure that he was okay, right? What was the possibility that he had overdosed himself and needed someone to call an ambulance and--

“I know what you’re thinking,” Lissa muttered as she dragged me into the spices shop. “I’m sure he’s fine.”  
“Wh-What if he’s not?” I stammered.  
“_s_. We’re here to talk about spices in cute little mason jars, not talk about ex-boyfriends.”

I didn’t know how Lissa wasn’t agonizing over Tony. She did it for only that one night when she was abandoned in the middle of the highway and never spoke another word about him. Maybe she hadn’t really loved him; maybe she did; but I knew that I still loved Leo. She knew I still loved Leo.

“Do you need more chili flakes?” Lissa asked. “They’re the special this week.”  
I’d left my stash of chili flakes in Leo’s apartment. “Yes. And I need more cayenne pepper. Um...we’re also gonna have to go get more hot sauce...”  
“Oh, are you gonna make that chicken?”  
“No...”  
“Aw, please! It’s so good. It’s my favourite that you-- Juniper?”

I’d burst out crying in the middle of the spices shop.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, pulling me into a hug.  
“Nothing...” I sobbed.  
“You don’t cry for nothing, babe. Is this about Leo?”  
“Yes, it’s about Leo!”

Lissa decided that it’d probably be better to just go home and leave our shopping to another day. Maybe if the shops weren’t by Leo’s apartment, maybe if we hadn’t walked by, I would have been fine. Maybe. But I missed Leo, even if I had been the one to break up with him. I knew that kicking him out of my life because of the drugs and the screaming was good for me, but it didn’t make me feel any better.

We went back to my house and ordered take away. Binge-watching movies was barely a distraction from what happened in the shop. At least while I was working I was completely distracted and I had no time to even think about Leo. I should have told Carl that he had relapsed, but what good would that do? All he could do was talk to Leo and try to get him into rehab, and then he wouldn’t even listen.

“I have work in the morning,” Lissa mentioned. “But do you want me to spend the night?”  
“No,” I mumbled. “You should go home.”  
She hesitated. “Are you sure?”  
I looked at her, frowning. “I’m not gonna call Leo and ask him to come over.”  
“Promise?”  
“I promise.”

Lissa left and I was on my own. There was no point in trying to stay awake when there was nothing to do. But then if I slept so early I’d be exhausted at my night shift the next night. I decided that I’d just force myself to sleep through the whole day. I would have rather been asleep than dealing with the loneliness. It was the first time in two years that I was actually by myself. I didn’t even have a roommate to come home to. I could have told Lissa to stay with me, but I hadn’t; I didn’t want her listening to me if I ended up sobbing myself to sleep.

I turned the lights off in the living room and the kitchen, before trudging into my bedroom. I had to look through my closet to wearing something to bed; because I hadn’t done laundry in forever, there were no pyjamas left. At the back of the closet was one of Leo’s sweaters; it was the one I had taken the liberty in stealing after a couple more days when we first started dating. He had never made a fuss about it; he knew it had been in my closet and he’d seen me wear it a few times. Whenever he’d had his hits, he took a chance and sprayed it with his cologne before returning it to the closet.

After taking my sweater and jeans off, I grabbed Leo’s sweater off the hanger and pulled it on. It still smelled like him -- when had he sprayed it last? I stood there for a moment, trying to calm myself, before climbing into bed. My phone rested on the bedside table. It was so tempting to just message him and see how he was doing. I had read the messages he blew my phone up with weeks ago. At one point -- I was assuming he had had enough hits to last him a while -- he calmed down and apologized. Even then I hadn’t replied because I had no idea what to say.

In the end, I turned over and covered my head with another pillow. I just wanted to sleep. Even if I had a nightmare, I just wanted to stop being in reality for just a few hours. I heard my phone vibrating, though; I turned back over, grabbed it, and looked at what had been sent. It was Lissa, just telling me to try and be strong. If she could make it without Tony, then I could make it without Leo. It wasn’t the idea of making it without Leo that was making me so upset. It was that I was lonely. Even if he had stayed at his apartment for a few days when we were still together, or if we got into a fight, or if I worked a long shift -- I knew I wasn’t going to be lonely for long. He always came back or I eventually went to him, depending on the situation. I placed my phone back on the bedside table and shut my eyes.

It was a few hours later that I woke up to the front door closing. I was confused for a good moment until whoever had opened my door bumped into something, loudly, and spoke.

“Ow, fuck!”

I slowly got out of bed and opened my bedroom door. Flicking on the light, I found Leo standing in the middle of the room looking guilty.

“Leo?” I muttered.  
“I bumped into your table,” he replied.  
I then snapped fully awake. “What are you doing here?”

At least Leo was okay; he looked fine and he sounded fine, except for the fact he looked like he was nervous. Well, he had woken me up and it was late at night. He probably had expected to be able to come into my apartment and then leave with whatever it was he thought he needed. I slept in my bedroom with my purse in there, so he obviously hadn’t come to steal from me. Leo looked at the table, which made me look at the table. The keys I had given him for my apartment were laying there. I’d forgotten to ask for them back.

“I was doing laundry and I found ’em in my pockets,” he explained.  
I looked at the clock. “Leo, it’s two in the morning. It could have waited a few more hours.”  
“I didn’t wanna wake you, Juni. I was gonna lock the knob on my way out since the keys would’ve been in here. I know you read my texts, but I wanted to say that I was sorry again. Okay?”  
Folding my arms across my chest, I walked over to the table and picked up the keys. “Why else are you here?”

Leo looked scared; he didn’t want to tell me.

“Just tell me,” I urged. “It’s fine.”  
“I was...seeing this other girl...” he admitted.  
“Oh.”

That’s why he’d been scared.

“B-But it didn’t feel right,” he said.  
“Why?”  
“It’s not like she was _you_, you know? Like, her hand didn’t feel right in mine, and she...she kisses really weird, and tonight we got into it, and it just felt wrong.”  
“It’s gonna feel wrong, Leo; I’m sure. Two years of--”  
“I said your name and she got pissed.” He shook his head. “_Really_ pissed. And every time I did something, she always nagged me, and it never fucking mattered what I did. She’s fine with Red Ice -- she smokes it too -- but if I tried to eat grilled cheese or something, she’d tell me I was putting bad crap into my body. She kept trying to get me to drink these weird green smoothies and I just--”  
“Leo, stop. Please stop talking.” I inhaled sharply. “Do you have any Red Ice on you?”  
“No, she smoked the last of it before I took her home.”  
“Because it’s late, you can stay. You can have the bedroom. I’ll be fine on the couch.”  
“No--”  
“Please don’t argue.”

Leo shut his mouth and waited for me to grab a blanket, a pillow, and my purse from my bedroom. Once I placed them on the couch, I shut the front door and locked it. Lissa would completely disapprove of allowing Leo to just spend the night -- but it was cold out and he was bad about making sure his car was topped up with gas. At least in the morning I’d be able to check for him and get him a full tank. But I wasn’t about to risk him getting stuck in freezing cold weather.

“I’ll make you food in the morning, too,” I said as I turned to look at him.  
“Thanks, Juni. Do I still have clothes here?”  
“There in the drawer you left them in.”

I hadn’t bothered to empty out the drawer I’d given to him in my dresser. What was the point? I would have ended up going through everything and keeping it all. He went into the bedroom after a moment of complete, utter, awkward silence, and I turned the lights off again. I dimmed the lamp that sat in the corner of my living room before getting comfortable on the couch.

The living room was cold. It was_ always_ cold during the winter, especially at night. But it was especially cold because I wasn’t wearing pyjama bottoms. I really didn’t want to go into the room and dig for sweatpants. The longer I laid there, though, I just wanted to cry again. I knew if I cried, Leo would end up coming back into the living room to check if I was okay. He was always like that when he’d had his hits or was sober. Just so kind and caring.

After an hour, I decided to give up and got up from the couch. I wandered to the bedroom and quietly opened the door. Leo was passed out on his side of the bed, but his arm was stretched out and he was hugging my pillow. I walked over to my side of the bed, biting my lip. Just as I was climbing in, he snapped awake, gasping like he’d had a nightmare.

“Leo?” I mumbled.  
“What’s up?” he breathed.  
“I’m... I’m sorry...”

He moved his arm so I could lay down, but he turned his back to me. Leo probably thought that I only had come in because I was cold. I laid next to him for twenty minutes, twiddling my thumbs. It had been a bad idea to let him spend the night in my apartment. It had been an even worse idea to lay next to him. But the idea that was the worst...

“Leo?” I touched his back. “Are you awake?”  
“Nn...” he muttered.

I moved closer to him, just to get some more warmth. He was always so hot -- in the summer it was bad, but during the winter and cold days it was just fine; it was perfect. I still stared at the ceiling and twiddled my thumbs, but not as long as before.

“Juni,” Leo said, turning back to me.  
I looked at him with a sigh. “You need another blanket?”  
“No. Why would you let me stay? It can’t be just ’cause it’s late.”  
“Contrary to what you may believe, I still love you.”

He rested back into his pillow. For a moment, I thought he was just going to go back to sleep. But then he rested his hand on my cheek and gently kissed me.

“This okay?” he asked.  
“Yes...”  
***

I woke up in the morning to pounding on my front door and fell right off the bed. Groaning, I got up and tugged Leo’s sweater back on and my boxers. As I walked closer to the door, I could hear Lissa groaning and talking to herself. I turned back around, shut the bedroom door quietly, and then answered the front door.

“Where is he?” she snapped.  
“What?” I rubbed my eyes.  
“Leo’s car is outside, Juniper. Where is he?”  
“Sleeping -- and don’t you have work?”

Lissa folded her arms across her chest and stared at me. The way to her work passed my apartment building, so of course she would have noticed something out of the ordinary.

“You promised,” she hissed.  
“I promised I wouldn’t call him and ask him to come over,” I replied. “And I didn’t. He came to return the spare keys and he woke me up.”  
“The you should have sent him home!”  
“It was the middle of the night, Lissa.”  
“Keep making excuses for yourself. Maybe one day they’ll make you feel better.”  
“Lissa...”  
“I worry about you! What if someday you _do_ wake up and he gets you hooked on Red Ice?”

Leo would never do that. Even when I was stressed out and I could barely breathe, he never even asked if I wanted a hit. Him asking me to drive him to see his dealer had just meant to be a drive -- neither of us could have known about the comment that was made would happen. He’d never actively put me in front of something dangerous. Smoking it around me and asking me to do it were two completely different things. Right?

Lissa sighed, running a hand through her hair. “You know what? Fine. Fine, fine, fine. If you wanna be with him so bad, then I can’t stop you.”  
“You’re not...leaving me, are you?” I mumbled.  
“No. But if something bad happens again with Leo, I don’t know if I’ll be able to be there for you.”


End file.
